I finally have to admit it. I hate R&B music, not in that annoying former Phish fan now classic soul fanboy sort of way where they hate all the “current” shit but love the classic soul sound. Where I really couldnt give a fuck about what artist is using autotune and making a song with tired sexual metaphors for the jr. high set. No, No my blood boils with contempt for the soul revivalists. Don’t get me wrong, I have put in time, played the roll, etc. I used to make the 90 minute mix tapes in college that had a well placed Jodeci song for, if timed correctly, finishing up with the woman i was making love on. I got those best of Al Green CDs when I used to scam music from the Columbia Record Club. I have listened to the orginals versions of the songs that were sampled to make great rap songs. I got the soundtracks to the blaxplotation era movies, I even tried my hand at the new soul revival acts and you know what, I just dont like them. They are talented as shit, no question but they make some contrived ass bullshit, that sounds dated as fuck in the same way Big Bopper, Jerry Lee Lewis, and Jimi Hendrix do.

The content sucks dick and gets even sadder when you consider that almost all of these people are in their late 30s/early 40s and still upset that their man is a dog, or is constantly checking out some other chick. Really? you havent figured this out yet? Howsabout you shut the fuck up and either date the nerd fuck at your office that will placate your oversized ego, or just grow the fuck up and realize that guys like to look at women, no matter their age, just as the get older they act on it less because lets face it, most women are major fucking headaches. Also where do you get off with the whole “you let a good thing go” routine? Apparently every guy or gal you date makes the same call. My guess is the problem’s with you, so take a long hard look in the mirror and maybe write a song called “I’m only good for having sex on for a short period of time because I have a grating personality” Catchy title right? The funniest occurance is when they write a song about their family not liking their current significant other, well as we see from the tracklist and your track record you have shitty taste, so maybe check in with what they are saying and try a new direction you moron.

Anyway, despite my hatred of all things R&B, I am reviewing this new Sharon Jones and the Dap Kings because I know a lot of people like this shit. Please note that the above rant was completely inspired by the insipid content on this fuck of an album.