-heat wave harbor
-keep off the clockwork
-get away from death
-no city bounce
-none shall pass over me
-suprise fumes
-the five finger clock
-dark heart news
-coffee khan
-citronella high
-league of extraordinary catacomb kids
-bring back stoney lodge
-when pigs fly
-false things must perish
-observe the whole family

Not so Perfect

Peace,
Employee

SHOUT: Goodwill Projects

An excellently lycergic video for the title track from The Music Scene by Ninjatune powerhouse producer/fellow Philaflava addict Blockhead. This video was animated/directed by Anthony F. Schepperd.

Blockhead’s sometimes musical partner Aesop Rock described it as:

visualz of yellow submarines sunk under music scenes
watch angry space apes stomp Lucy’s skygrapes on the animated screens
purple humans, flying couches, exploding technicolor pandas
while Big Brother is spying on your hill of beans
your brain will sizzle on that frying pan and dangle from the moon beams

Just kidding, but you get the idea.

octomom

Alaska I dont hate her as much as i hate people that give a fuck about her.

Blockhead Like most people, I hate her never ending vagina but i also hate that she looks like angelina jolie if she was a two week old water logged corpse.

A-Rod

Alaska – He finally got his title but he still has purple lips and dates a 14 year old boy with a blond wig….oh thats kate hudson? my bad.

Blockhead – Never trust a man with manicured eye brows and highlights in his hair.

Lady Gaga

Alaska – It lets you know how much new york sucks now when she is the most interesting thing to come out of new york since 9/11.

Blockhead – Lady Gaga has the image of a lunatic avante guarde street performer yet creates the music that makes drake look like mozart. Because of this, she sucks. She also very likely has a small non-functional penis but that’s more funny than anything.

Glen Beck

Alaska – He is a blue collar comedy performance artist right?

Blockhead – I’ve never seen or heard this guy talk. All i know is that the looks like a guy who will likely have a heart attack in the near future and he probably has morton downey jr breath

Tyler Perry

Alaska – like oprah with a beard, and i dont mean steadman…BOOM!

Blockhead – Another guy whom i’ve never seen or heard. From what I can gather he’s some sort of transexual deacon, right?

Kate Gosling

Alaska – Cuntiest face ever

Blockhead – Cuntiest cunt ever! But seriously, caring about her is almost as bad as being her.

Adam Lambert

Alaska - Jack Lambert is rolling in his grave

Blockhead – As is Christopher Lambert. word to the Highlander.

Sarah Palin

Alaska- Her face has the same shape as the guy in mask:

Blockhead – I’d hit it.

Bret Favre

Alaska - I actually love watching his annual December/January collapse.

Blockhead – I’m not a big football guy so I really can’t say much about this squinty ginger.

Michael Jackson

Alaska - Another dead creep, see you in hell fucker. Fuck him and fuck people who are saddened by the news, they should be sterilized.

Blockhead – I was playing basketball when I heard he died. I stopped for a second then continued with my jumpshot. That was the last time I gave a thought to yet another famous stranger I didn’t give a fuck about dying.

Michael Jackson’s Kids

Alaska - they look like japanimation characters

Blockhead – They showed their faces? As far as I know, they look like Saudi Arabian women.

Wives of Politicians and Athletes Who Cheated on Them

Alaska – thats what you get for being frigid

Blockhead – Tiger Woods is a nerd who got rich and famous. This allowed him to live out all his sexual fantasies. I honestly don’t see how anyone can hate him…except his wife but fuck her anyway.
The Cast of New Moon

Alaska - I dont know anyone in this but they all strike me as high school drama kids doing an episode of dawsons creek for their school play.

Blockhead – I don’t hate the cast nearly as much as the retards who made this movie as big as it was. if it wasn’t for some good porn, I’d suggest rounding up all teenaged girls and dumping them off a cliff.

Rihanna

Alaska - If i have to hear any more about how brave she is i might choke her out

Blockhead – She’s beginning to have patti labelle hair and that’s not a good look for anyone.

Ryan Oneil

Alaska - You look like a lesbian
Even I’m not old enough to remember who the fuck this guy is. I know he fucked his daughter or something but who cares? Micheal Jackson died yo!

Balloon Boy

Alaska – Hey dick, at least do the world a favor and fall to your death, instead of just hiding in the shed or whereever the fuck you hid

Blockhead – This was the year of shitty parents whoring their shitty kids with hopes of making some shitty reality show that would be watched by shitheads.
Terminator Salvation

Alaska – Is how i imagine herpes will  feel in the future, boring and painful to look at.

Blockhead – Didn’t see it. I was too busy watching “baby boy” on cable 4 times a day for the last 5 months.

The Philaflava Project’s purpose is to showcase the  array of talents you’ll find on Philaflava. While this doesn’t showcase all the talents found on our website, it definitely gives you a good idea of what we have to offer. If you’re unfamiliar with an artist I strongly encourage you to ask your best friend Google about them. All them would be more than happy to provide you information about their own projects, tours or even build should you feel there is an opportunity.

Our main aim is to bring awareness to both the producers and the emcees involved on this project. While feedback is strongly suggested and definitely appreciated, spreading the word and this album (pass on the links) are most important. Thanks to all the parties involved. Thanks to Alaska & Chace Random for helping make sure this really came out and thanks to Strategy for taking the time-out in tagging all the tracks. Enjoy! –Philaflava

The Philaflava Project

Download Compilation

Back-Up Links:
#1
#2

Please leave feedback in either the Philaflava thread or on this post. Which was your favorite track? Favorite beat? Favorite verse?

Subway Platform Musicians

 

Blockhead
I’ve heard the tall tales of musicians getting discovered while playing on subway platforms.  We all have. MAYBE that shit has happened once in the history of the universe.  The same way some imaginary guy has been discovered while singing loudly to himself on the street (word to your man Tyrese).  Regardless of all these yet to be proven stories, subway musicians, by and large, are fucking annoying.  Whether it be some old guy on a trumpet fumbling his way through a rendition of “Summertime” or some hippie shitbag playing an acoustic guitar, it’s rarely anything anyone wants’ too hear.  Occasionally, you may luck out and come across one of those bizarre one man band motherfuckers who plays an organ, while drumming with their feet and blowing on a harmonica, but even those guys are only mildly entertaining for a short period of time. The bottom line with subway platform musicians is that it’s a self involved act. it’s someone thinking the world needs to hear their music and going to a place that people HAVE to be and cannot leave.  It’s not like they’re up in the coffee house or a small music venue.  They’re just chilling in public, playing their hearts out, while people go to work and, in most cases, want to be left completely alone.  So fuck those guys.  Not to mention when your greatest success story is kids playing buckets in a levis jeans commercial it may be time to look into plan b.

Williamsburg

Alaska
As a rule I hate revivalists.  Whether it is waiters from Johnny Rockets dressing like waiters from the 50′s or Little Brother making music that sounds like ATCQ ate a gang of retard sandwiches.  But the most annoying revivalists are those that like to dress up like colonists, and colonial Williamsburg is ground zero for these dicks.  I don’t get the appeal of this shit.  If I wanted to see an overzealous teacher or a failed actor I would just sign up for acting class at the local community college.  I don’t need some dick that doesn’t break character give me some shtick about not knowing what a toilet is when I ask him where to find the shitter.  Dude you are wearing a Swatch and drove here in a fucking 1997 Hyundai Excel, how about giving the shitty accent a break and tell me where I can drop this deuce off.  Wait did you mean the place in Brooklyn with all the J.O’s with stupid facial hair and Ting Ting shirts? 

people who are really into cupcakes

Blockhead
I could never hate on cupcakes. Who could they are fucking delicious, but what I can hate on is this weird cupcake hysteria that has emerged over the last decade or so. I may be off in this but I will lay 100% of that blame the TV show “Sex in The City”.  I guess in one episode they went to this cupcake bakery in NYC called “Magnolia” and all of sudden every person in a skirt needs a mouth full of buttermilk icing.  Now, I’ve been to this cupcake establishment and sure, it’s “cute”, but you know what? The cupcakes are completely and utterly mediocre.  It speaks in volumes about how far a store’s image can take you.  But I digress. 2 months ago I was at a wedding in Martha’s vineyard with a bunch of couples.  While walking around town we happened upon a cupcake shop.  It was a dainty little room set up with all sorts of cute frilly bullshit girls love and most importantly, a shit ton of cupcakes.  Needless to say, the half of the group that owned vaginas lost their minds. They spent like 20 minutes inside while all the guys stood outside rolling our eyes in unison.  Fast forward to this weekend and I hear my girlfriend talking extensively with a few other girls about this very cupcake shop, and all of them completely engrossed and excited about it.  Seriously, it’s just a fucking cupcake.  Eat that shit and K.I.M.

people who don’t own TV’s

Alaska
You know what?  I am a pretentious dick, I can own up to that.  I think if you have read one of these hate fueled rants you would concur.  I mock people who like shit like CBS sit-coms, Coldplay and the book The Secret.  Even so, I am nowhere near as pretentious as people who don’t own televisions.  They are the same people who wear scarves in t-shirt weather and carry around beat up leather satchels because Robin Williams did it in Dead Poet’s Society.  They will always inform you in such a dickish tone.  “Oh I don’t own a TV; we find ways to entertain ourselves”.  How by staring at your husband’s stretched out and stained Beatles T-shirt?  Or maybe by making macaroni pictures with your snob of a daughter Amelie.  The key thing to remember is that you are an asshole.  You are not interesting and nobody gives a fuck about the Russian author you are reading.  Not having a TV only makes you a superior dick but not superior. 

Scrabble
Every week Alaska and I do this and we email each other a list of things to hate on.  Sometimes he sends me shit I either can’t hate on or things I straight up love. This is one of those occasions. I fucking love scrabble.  Always have.  On top of that, I’m really fucking good at it. I spend an obscene amount of time online destroying my friends on facebook or playing over at wordbiz.jar with people so good I constantly think they’re cheating.  The irony of my love for scrabble is that I never read anything and pretty much have the vocabulary of a toddler.  Still, I’ve picked up a knack for memorizing useless 2 and 3 letter words (all of which I have no clue what they mean). So hating on scrabble, for me, is a hard one. That said, I suppose I could try – First off, I hate shitty tile distribution.  U’s, i’s, c’s and v’s are all letters I’ve never given a second thought to but in scrabble land they’re all vicious cocksuckers.  Secondly, scrabble takes over your brain. If I’ve played too much in one day I start seeing imaginary word combinations and begin conjuring up all sorts of 4 word combos  when I shut my eyes to sleep.  A similar thing used to happen when I’d play too much Tetris.  I’ve definitely lost sleep over scrabble and that, is pretty fucking unacceptable. Thirdly, I hate losing at something I’m really good at. I can handle getting beaten in a basketball game because, on a larger scale, I’m not that good.  At the same time, I very rarely lose to people I’m a lot better then.  But with scrabble, no matter how good you are, you will lose on occasion.  I rarely lose to friends but when I do they enjoy it way too much,  which eats away at my soul.
Other than those three things scrabble is the greatest game ever invented.  All you chess playing motherfuckers can eat a dick.

Blockhead

homeless people


Alaska
I know I should feel sympathy for these poor bastards, but you know what? I don’t.  Sure that probably makes me the dick, and I’m more than willing to own that.  Look, I know times are tough in America and its getting harder and harder to get by, but when even the biggest wastes I knew in high school can make due with a job at McD’s or some equally soul crushing establishment then you too can get by.  Sure it might be a shitty existence but if I learned anything from the dicks in colonial Williamsburg it is that even at our worst we have it pretty sweet since there is no Injuns trying to sell our kids into white slavery and small pox is a thing of the past.  If you are so fucked up that you have alienated everyone in your life because of unchecked mental illness or drug abuse why should I give a fuck about you.  Plus you all smell like a mix of urine and Hindus.

The Fat Kardassian Sister

Block
It’s real easy to shit on the fat kardassian. I mean, look at her. She’s the shrek like sister of two tiny hot pieces of ass. It’s only natural one might just look at her and hate without even realize they’re doing it. but, aside from her solomon grundy type frame, moon pie head and stupid face, there is more to hate about her. I have seen the show on E! (i know, i know) and while it it’s an infuriating task to watch it, it does give one a deeper look inside why the fat kardassian sucks. Not only is she big and fat, but she also is dumb ass bricks and annoying. I’ve got no issue with fat girls. They’re usually pretty merry and, in general, nice people. But if you’re both fat AND a dipshit, you’re pretty much worthless on all levels. So, while the hot kardassian sisters are undeniably terrible people, at least (for the time being) they have looks going for them. They can afford to be pieces of shit right now. Fattie though, not so much. maybe marrying Lamar Odom will make her a better person, but really, who fucking cares?

Soccer

Alaska
I dont care if it is the most popular sport in the world, the rest of the world is retarded.  Lets look at the places its huge.  Sure the UK is fun for a visit, but really?  do you know anyone from the UK other than Ricky Gervais that is even remotely likable after 15 minutes?  They love Robbie Williams, the rapper The Streets and boil meats.  Should we honestly give a fuck about what they like?  The rest of the people that like soccer are third world people.  Hey just like you I hope one day they get clean water and shoes, but they still dont have indoor bathrooms and we are supposed to follow their lead?  Think of it this way, we laugh at southerners and midwesterners for not believing in evolution, yet we would be cultured to follow a sport that is beloved by goat farmers and people that regularly lose limbs due to machette mishaps?  please.

Reggae/Rap Fusion
Block
I like old reggae. reggae with real instruments where the people singing have good singing voices. That shit is awesome. Where reggae went wrong was when it started taking elements of current music and blending it together. In the 90′s, most rappers had at least one song with a singing hook on the album and another that had “reggae” flavor. It’s as if it were in the contract to do so. Hearing rappers I loved and respected stumble through some half as reggae-esque chanting always drove me nuts. Around the same time, current reggae artists started doing songs over hip hop beats. This was also frustrating to me cause they usually picked dope beats and would ruin them with some half assed vocal meandering that pretty much sounded like every other hip/hop reggae song. I know it’s blasphemous but fuck all that shit. supacat, mad lion, your man shaggy ect…I know that every time that shit gets played in the club girls and cornballs go nuts, busting out  all sorts of butterfly and bogle variations. I know this..but, as music, it’s fucking terrible. I’d rather listen to the “judgement night” soundtrack and that’s saying  a lot cause I never ever wanna listen to that bullshit again.

 

Conspiracy Theorists

Alaska
Remember the guy in high school who was always telling lies about outlandish shit so people would think he was cool, only nobody ever though they were cool, they just thought he was kind of a dick, but since he had a car and drove a few of the slutty girls who smoked parliments around he was tolerated?  Remember how that kid eventually came home from college and stayed home, around Columbus day because he “missed being at home” but really had a nervous breakdown once he realized that the hot girls didnt like him anymore because EVERYONE had a care and then went on to work at Geek Squad or Staples?  Well this is basically the same person that believes in conspiracy theories.  Well them and rappers.  Would you give any credance to anything either of those two groups of attention seeking assholes has to say?  No.  One makes shit up and the other always “heard it” from someone they know or read it somewhere, just because its in a book doesnt make it true, look at the bible.

Movie Remakes

Block
This is pretty obvious but why? Why do motherfuckers insist on remaking movies that were already great? It’s one thing to remake some movie from the 40′s no one knows about and revamp it for 2009 but to remake some shit made in the 80′s is just bad taste and NEVER works. I think the problem lies in them remaking the wrong movies. If you’re gonna do remakes, take a shitty movies that should have been good, and remake that. Like, I’d love to see “the garbage pail kids movie” remade, or any number of mediocre horror films that teetered on being good but, in the end, came up short. “nail gun massacre” comes to mind. Remaking classics like “halloween” or “friday the 13th” is pointless.  I remember when they remade “psycho” and it was a frame by frame replica of the original. that’s quite possible the dumbest idea ever. Like the world was gonna explode if we never got to see how ann heche would have acted in the shower stabbing scene. I’ll give credit where it’s due and say the “remakes” of batman were dope but , in reality, those movies were made as if micheal keaton never donned the batman tights.  That’s probably why they were so successful, but seriously how bout just making new fucking movies and let the old ones be. If it’s for the kids, so they can be exposed to classics in an appealing (and financially fruitful) way that caters to there 2009 facebook/twitter/sweet 16 sensibilities, then I guess that makes sense but then again, fuck these kids, they don’t know shit about anything and they’re getting dumber by the day.

Fat Girls Who Smoke

Alaska
I am a fat guy who used to smoke.  I understand the allure of over eating and chasing that sandwich with a tasty cigarette.  It’s heavenly.  Yet when a fat girl does it, it’s just annoying. Most times they are loud mouths who hate on pretty girls, and try to mask it in some feminist bullshit that is just a mask for their insecurity or they are cock blocking because all the girls promised to go home together, and someone has to try to make out with her so their friend can get some stank on their hang low.  The problem is they have such shitty personalities because all tehy want to do is fuck up everyone elses good time so we all feel as miserable as they do.  Now just imagine that if she was smoking.  Dont get me wrong there are some really cool fat girls that are super nice, most times people just feel bad for them, but hey there is a brightside, there are plenty of black men who will date them.

I hit up my friend and PF mainstay Blockhead to run a few things by him and let the hate shine down.

 

Alaska: So Block here is my vision, I am going to give you a series of topics and you will need to let me know what it is that you hate about them.

Block: that sounds perfectly up my alley.

Alaska: The View.

Block: Hating the view is too easy. It’s annoying bitches talking. sure, it’s supposed to show the different types of women and celebrate all things womanly but it tends to work in reverse and ends up being a celebration of three old crows yelling at one , much prettier and much dumber right wing retarded person. The one thing that pops into my head when i think of “the view” is whenever they have an actor on, there’s a palpable uncomfortable vibe in the room from all the strangely flirtatious banter they throw at uhim. It doesn’t matter if it’s brad pitt or tom green. You get the feeling joy bahar is gonna start unzipping flies at any moment. Not a good look.

Alaska: The Lower East Side.

Block: Much like the rest of NYC , my beef with the lower east side lies much more in the people that inhabit it than the actual place. There was a time when the lower east side was a cutting edge area where only people in the know and/or willing to slum it a little bit would go to hang out. then, much like williamsburg, students and out of towners got wind that it’s was a moderately safe place to live with decent rent. Flash to 20 years later and it’s a sea of vertical striped shirt wearing dickbags stumbling down the street on a friday night cutting loose cause the stock market kicked their ass all week. The one thing LES had going for it, even just 7 years ago, was that kind of element stayed away from it. the frat boy types stuck to midtown or the college bars on 3rd avenue. I guess more bars opened up, the long island/jersey/queens/brooklyn contingent drifted further downtown and that’s where we are now.  With that said, it’s still maintains some sort of diversity and occasionally some dumb girl will mouth off to the wrong kid from the projects and get knocked out. at this point, it’s all we can really ask for.

Alaska: Record Nerds.

Block: The thing i hate most about record nerds is that i often get mistaken for one. I know people assume anyone who makes beats is some crate digging uber geek with a crazy music collection but this just isn’t true. I NEVER listen to my records. anything i like is on my i-tunes. on top of that, 99% of the records i own are complete crap. with exception of a bunch of 90′s era indie rap vinyl, it’s all dollar bin records i sampled and threw in a pile never to be revisited again.

The thing about record nerds is that they tend to live by this “holier then thou” existence. they’re the type who won’t dub an rare album for someone cause..well…I don’t fucking know…they just won’t and it’s infuriating. what they need to understand is that they’re just collectors. what they deem to be a special momento from a lost time that should be cherished is , to a normal person, actually just a record. the best it can do is play music that people enjoy. it should be shared. especially when it’s out of print and the artist is in no way getting a penny from said “momento”. I got respect for people who have large collection of music they love. that’s fine. especially if you actually listen to the music you own, but if you just collect shit cause it’s “rare” regardless of how good the music is, you’re a fucking idiot.

Alaska: Kung Fu Flicks.

Block: For as long as I can remember, I’ve never given a shit about kung fu flicks. Obviously, for the majority of this time, I was only exposed to the most typical films of the genre.  So, a few years ago, I thought I should give it a chance. I have a friend who is a kung fu movie fiend. He owns like 200 dvd’s of rare and critically acclaimed jewels only found in dark alley ways in north korea. I told him to pick a few out and lend them to me. You know what? I still don’t give a shit about them. The thing about kung fu movies is that you know what you’re getting. It’s a lot like porn. They’re all slightly different but you basically know where it’s going as far as action and storyline. The difference being , I can jerk off to porn where as, with kung fu movies, it’s just a bunch of dudes jumping around on wires. It’s like a thugged out “De La Guarda”.

Alaska: Aging Rappers.

Block: NOTHING is sadder than an aging rappers. 38 year old , withered , grown men in fitted baseball hats ,dressing the same way as their children, trying to recapture a flame lost over a decade ago. The worst is when they try and keep up with the times by emulating the styles of todays popular rappers. Rappers they themselves are partially responsible for influencing in some distant way. Hearing Kool G Rap  or Big Daddy Kane try and sound relevant in today’s market breaks my heart. These are guys who set trends in the golden era of hip hop but now are reduced to doing cameos on songs with rappers who don’t deserve a guest spot from asher roth. It’s disgusting. basically, motherfuckers need to know when to hang it up. I know , with the existence of europe, it’s real easy to just go there and tour forever but nothing fucks up a legacy like over staying your welcome.

Alaska: Rage Against The Machine.

Block: In the 90′s there was this big rush to mix rap with other genres. jazz, rock, jam band…all of it. It rarely worked and made for some of the most offensive music ever made. At the forefront of this shitty idea (no disrespect to run dmc who really opened the doors to this crap) were rage against the machine. Shitty riffs with shitty social commentary said by a shitty rapper who sounded like a dying rooster.

I remember, when RATM was popular, meeting people who were obviously not into hip hop. They would find out I was into it and immediately try and connect on some “yo, you must love RATM!”. That’s kinda like if I were to say to a guy “yo, you love getting blow jobs? you must love eating a man’s ass!”.

Alaska: Science Fiction.

Block: Now, I don’t dislike all scifi. Some of it is pretty awesome, but the obsession with it beyond “oh, that’s kinda cool” is fucking retarded. Even worse are the people who take it seriously. The fact that people worship “Star wars” and “Star trek” like they do is just obscene. I know people like to escape reality every now and then but to truly submerge yourself in that kind of silly bullshit is just sad. Take it for what it is: some creative shit made for your entertainment. People get out of hand with that shit. I mean, fucking scientology is based on some scifi crap. It’s insane. To me, scifi is the anti-sports. Everything sports stand for, scifi is the exact opposite. I also notice that people who love scifi rarely like sports (or play them for that matter).

Thanks for the enlightenment Blockhead and thanks to you the reader for embracing the hate and making the world a better place one hateful diatribe at a time.  See you next week.

Alaska