To recap last week we started our Top Ten-est Best Rap Albums of All Time with our number ten selection Kanye West’s Late Registration. Today we will take a look at #9. I was torn between two albums from the same artist for my #9 spot. Hard to Earn and Step in the Arena by Gang Starr, the first being the classic album everyone seems to hold as their go to and the second the classic album where they first made the leap from run of the mill to great. I have since been sitting with both albums and comparing and contrasting to see which one deserves this slot. To figure this out I think we need steal an idea from Bill Simmons and break them down Dr. Jack style to see who wins.
Beats – It’s hard to argue that during this period there was nobody better than primo. His work from Step in the Arena through Hard to Earn stand out as one of the strongest three album periods for any producer, and that is not even including his production with other artists. For me it was a matter of what worked better through the entire album. Both albums have a cohesive feel and where Step in the Arena is more consistent throughout, it can’t match the high points that are featured on Hard to Earn. Songs like Code of the Streets, Mass Appeal and Dwyck feature some of the greatest beats ever dropped. On top of that he dropped beats that made the two Group Home appearances listenable. I would take away points because there are beats that lack and show the early signs of Primo’s movement towards a one dimensional sound that would hound later Gangstarr efforts. It is hard to point out a weak production moment on Step in the Arena which for my dollar is the high point in jazz inspired production. I really can’t call it here; I wouldn’t kick the production from either of these albums out of bed but if I had to pick at gun point…
I recently decided that I needed to put together the definitive list of the top 10 bestest hip hop albums of all time. It is an on-going process which I hope will finally put this discussion to rest. I have set up some ground rules that include the following:
1. No albums released before 1988 or after 2005 are eligible, when the last great rap album (Kanye West’s Late Registration) was released. Sorry Raekwon, Cuban Linx two was good but not great. We need to be honest with ourselves in that historical significance and record sales have nothing to do with the quality of the record, which is why you won’t find any Run DMC, EPMD or Dre on here.
2. The album must still be good. I don’t care if it was great in its heyday, if it isn’t good today it won’t be considered. You need to compete in all eras of the music to be considered one of the all time greats, again see any Dre or Snoop album.
3. If half the album sucks it doesn’t matter how good the rest of the album is, so this rules out all NWA albums, all BDP albums, all Eric B and Rakim albums, and so on. Many of the most impactful albums in rap music were half bad. They were fortunate that they came at the right time and the portion of the album that was great was revolutionary enough that they could ride into the history books.
4. We will not confuse a long career of good with a onetime moment of trancendent greatness. Jay Z while a great MC with many great songs never had a trancendent moment. The same goes with Biggie Smalls. While Ready to Die is a great album it’s not trancendent and just because he died early we like to remember him as the greatest ever, when in reality he was probably top 10-15.
5. Any album on this list must get the “I see where you can make a case for this being on here even if I don’t agree” seal of approval.
6. The album must be known to at least a few hundred thousand people. This means no obscure underground shit. If your album wasn’t good enough to spawn some sort of movement, even if it was just among active hip hop fans then you aren’t on here.
7. Finally – No Tupac….he fucking sucked. Tupac fans are right up there with white kids with dreads and vice interns as the most annoying group of people ever.
This is going to be a long journey, it will probably take us at the very least a few months to get through it all but I imagine that by the time we are done you will agree that this is the most complete list of the top 10 rap albums ever:
Coming in at number 10 we have the aforementioned Kanye West with Late Registration. Originally I had this ranked higher at number 7. Partially because I feel it is a phenomenal album and partially because I knew placing it that high would piss people off and start up some discussion. When I bounced the idea off some friends I consider to be knowledgeable on the subject they all felt the mere inclusion of Kanye in this list would spark the same discussion and emotions. So I rightfully moved it to the 10 slot, the album is only four years old and has yet to stand the test of time.
You probably think I am crazy for including Kanye on this list, but I as I make my case I hope you see my point. I think we can all agree that as a mc Kanye ranks between Phife Dog on the low end of the spectrum and maybe big Boi on the high end. Two 2nd fiddles in legendary groups, who were great as a complimentary voice to the lead vocals of Q-Tip and Andre 3000 respectively. Both have ventured into solo territory with varying degrees of success, Phife being an unadulterated failure and Big Boi having some marginal success and a few good jams. The difference is Kanye was able to pull off the average mc making a great album, outside of Guru he is the only subpar MC to make this list. (more…)
Being that we are world class hatologists and it is the end of the year it is only right that we recap all of this years people, places and things that deserved our hate:
octomom
Alaska I dont hate her as much as i hate people that give a fuck about her.
Blockhead Like most people, I hate her never ending vagina but i also hate that she looks like angelina jolie if she was a two week old water logged corpse.
A-Rod
Alaska – He finally got his title but he still has purple lips and dates a 14 year old boy with a blond wig….oh thats kate hudson? my bad.
Blockhead – Never trust a man with manicured eye brows and highlights in his hair.
Lady Gaga
Alaska – It lets you know how much new york sucks now when she is the most interesting thing to come out of new york since 9/11.
Blockhead – Lady Gaga has the image of a lunatic avante guarde street performer yet creates the music that makes drake look like mozart. Because of this, she sucks. She also very likely has a small non-functional penis but that’s more funny than anything.
Glen Beck
Alaska – He is a blue collar comedy performance artist right?
Blockhead – I’ve never seen or heard this guy talk. All i know is that the looks like a guy who will likely have a heart attack in the near future and he probably has morton downey jr breath
Tyler Perry
Alaska – like oprah with a beard, and i dont mean steadman…BOOM!
Blockhead – Another guy whom i’ve never seen or heard. From what I can gather he’s some sort of transexual deacon, right?
Kate Gosling
Alaska – Cuntiest face ever
Blockhead – Cuntiest cunt ever! But seriously, caring about her is almost as bad as being her.
Adam Lambert
Alaska - Jack Lambert is rolling in his grave
Blockhead – As is Christopher Lambert. word to the Highlander.
Sarah Palin
Alaska- Her face has the same shape as the guy in mask:
Blockhead – I’d hit it.
Bret Favre
Alaska - I actually love watching his annual December/January collapse.
Blockhead – I’m not a big football guy so I really can’t say much about this squinty ginger.
Michael Jackson
Alaska - Another dead creep, see you in hell fucker. Fuck him and fuck people who are saddened by the news, they should be sterilized.
Blockhead – I was playing basketball when I heard he died. I stopped for a second then continued with my jumpshot. That was the last time I gave a thought to yet another famous stranger I didn’t give a fuck about dying.
Michael Jackson’s Kids
Alaska - they look like japanimation characters
Blockhead – They showed their faces? As far as I know, they look like Saudi Arabian women.
Wives of Politicians and Athletes Who Cheated on Them
Alaska – thats what you get for being frigid
Blockhead – Tiger Woods is a nerd who got rich and famous. This allowed him to live out all his sexual fantasies. I honestly don’t see how anyone can hate him…except his wife but fuck her anyway.
The Cast of New Moon
Alaska - I dont know anyone in this but they all strike me as high school drama kids doing an episode of dawsons creek for their school play.
Blockhead – IÂ don’t hate the cast nearly as much as the retards who made this movie as big as it was. if it wasn’t for some good porn, I’d suggest rounding up all teenaged girls and dumping them off a cliff.
Rihanna
Alaska - If i have to hear any more about how brave she is i might choke her out
Blockhead – She’s beginning to have patti labelle hair and that’s not a good look for anyone.
Ryan Oneil
Alaska - You look like a lesbian
Even I’m not old enough to remember who the fuck this guy is. I know he fucked his daughter or something but who cares? Micheal Jackson died yo!
Balloon Boy
Alaska – Hey dick, at least do the world a favor and fall to your death, instead of just hiding in the shed or whereever the fuck you hid
Blockhead – This was the year of shitty parents whoring their shitty kids with hopes of making some shitty reality show that would be watched by shitheads. Terminator Salvation
Alaska – Is how i imagine herpes will  feel in the future, boring and painful to look at.
Blockhead – Didn’t see it. I was too busy watching “baby boy” on cable 4 times a day for the last 5 months.
A few years back I did a show in Baltimore and I met an MC named K-Beta. He seemed like a good enough guy, we chopped it up a bit, and he gave me a copy of his cd. Most times when this happens the cd gets a few seconds of listen than tossed. However Beta’s cd stayed in heavy rotation for the whole tour and beyond. I was amazed at how hungry, clear and hard his raps were. There was an honestly in his music that I havent heard from anyone in quite some time. He was the total package, if I started my own label he would be the first rapper I would sign. I recently sat down with Beta to discuss his music and life.
Please take a few seconds to introduce yourself to the steady bloggin audience, please give them a little back ground as to who you are, what you do, etc.
Whaddup y’all..I’m K-Beta coming outta the DMV. I’m 1/4 of Inner Loop Records..and also an artist on the label. I’m also co-owner and CBO of BetaRaz Entertainment. I’m an MC/producer/vocal arranger/party host/calendar publisher/last line of defense.
Right now you seem poised to make a big statement for the DC scene, what was your path from first starting out to where you are now?
Its a hell of a journey, and its far from over. I’m blessed and fortunate to be a part of a great team. We have all paid our dues, and have come too far to even consider turning back. The statement for DMV hip-hop is already being made. I’m coming in to put the period on the end of the sentence.
I first became aware of your work when you gave me the cd ‘Nigger” at Sonar in Baltimore. I was extremely impressed by the craftmanship on the record. The writing was some of the most honest I have ever heard put on wax. What was the writing experience like for that record. Did you have any concerns about it being too honest for an audience that typically gravitates towards the dramatic and sensational?
Thanks a lot A. Coming from an artist of your calibur, that’s a huge compliment. Honestly, most of those lyrics were written while I was still locked up. I came home in 2004 with hundreds of songs written, and we put Nigger together with the best joints from that bunch. I don’t concern myself with sensationalizing my work, because I pride myself on being a sensational lyricist. I have been given the ability to articulate any state of mind or emotion through my lyrics, and people gravitate towards that. The honesty pulls people in, because they can draw strength and inspiration from that. Its the way I was raised by the MCs I grew up listening to.
Listening to the 89 to 09 cd, it is obvious that you are a student of rap, the beats you picked come from a diverse cross section of artists and your flows stayed very true the the artist chosen. What was the reason behind the project and how has influence of the artists chosen guided you as an artist.
89 to 09 was a way for us to put something out that would stand out from the slew of mixtapes in a sorely oversaturated market. There are a lot of artists who are throwing out mixtape after mixtape, and the general interest has damn near bottomed out. With 89 to 09, I was able to not only put out a quality product that is an enjoyable listen, but also have a lot of fun giving props to some of my favorite MCs of the past 20 years. Also, I wanted to display that various influences that have guided and growth as a writer.
A lot of your work tells of your struggles with alcohol and drugs, being in this life, doing shows, touring, etc one is surrounded by drugs and alcohol, how do you deal with that, does it effect you in anyway?
I just focus on my purpose. I stopped drinking about two years ago, because my alcohol use was the biggest roadblock to my success, happiness and overall well-being. Being out isn’t a real problem for me, because I harbor no illusion about the severity of my struggles. I know the consequences of making that choice, so I cannot fool myself.
A lot of the country is not familiar with the DC scene, can you give us a bit of a history and tell us the current state of the scene?
There has always been hip-hop on the DC scene. I was fortunate to be around at a time when the scene was starting to take form, and as a result, I have been able to watch and participate in the explosion of DMV hip-hop to what it is today. Growing up, I was excited to see artists like DC Scorpio and DJ Kool on TV. It let me know that you didn’t have to be from NY or LA to make it. Those brothers and sisters made me believe in myself as an MC from this area. That is why I’ll do a project like 89 to 09. I will always give back to the foundation. It’s similar to paying tithe at church. I know that I owe the old school for having a shot at going down in history.
What’s on deck for K-Beta?
I’m in the studio everyday. I have an album on deck called FTC. I have production from just about every dope producer in the area on it. I can’t give you a solid drop date for it, but the first single will be out very soon. I’m also working on an album produced entirely by Team Demo. That’s a special project for me, because TD were the first cats specifically out of VA to make noise on the DC side. There’s more too. 2010 is going to be a very big year for us.
Where can fans find you and your music?
Right now, fans in the area can catch me on the Capitol City Music Tour with Kingpen Slim and XO. My first album, Nigger: An Audiobiography by K-Beta, is available on iTunes and CDBaby. The 89 to 09 mixtape can be downloaded for free at www.innerloopuncut.com.
Last April both Alaska and myself got the idea to put together a compilation of some of the rappers and producers found on Philaflava. We gave you a taste a few months back with Our Rappers Are Better Than Yours comp, but this project was different, it’s unique and all home-grown. We hand picked submitted beats from producers and matched them with rappers we felt were best suited for this project.
The Philaflava Project’s purpose is to showcase the array of talents you’ll find on Philaflava. While this doesn’t showcase all the talents found on our website, it definitely gives you a good idea of what we have to offer. If you’re unfamiliar with an artist I strongly encourage you to ask your best friend Google about them. All them would be more than happy to provide you information about their own projects, tours or even build should you feel there is an opportunity.
Our main aim is to bring awareness to both the producers and the emcees involved on this project. While feedback is strongly suggested and definitely appreciated, spreading the word and this album (pass on the links) are most important. Thanks to all the parties involved. Thanks to Alaska & Chace Random for helping make sure this really came out and thanks to Strategy for taking the time-out in tagging all the tracks. Enjoy! –Philaflava
I recently sat down with one of NYC’s finest up and coming MCs, Homeboy Sandman, to discuss his music and history, the state of the NYC scene, the hip hop scene as a whole and what it means for the up and coming artist. Â
Introduce yourself to the readers, tell them a bit about your history, how you came up, etc.
Peace ya’ll my name is Homeboy Sandman. I came up in Queens. I had not much, more than enough, a purebred sort of a mutt. Growing up I always listened to the nicest cats. Everyone from the Fresh Prince to Black Thought to Redman to Big Pun to Eminem to Andre 3000. I never got caught up in the people everybody talked about who weren’t actually nice, of which there were many.
Since we all are creations of our influences How would you describe your sound and how do you feel they come across in the music you create?I would describe my sound as lyrics so sharp I don’t even need flows and flows so sharp I don’t even need lyrics. The gentlemen I mentioned in my first answer come across in the music I create because they set the bar that I must rise to then go beyond. They inspire me to do things that have never been done before. Find flows never flowed before. Melodies never used, experimentation with wordplay and subject matter, and finally to boldly go where no emcee has gone before. John Coltrane, Charlie Parker, The Dave Bruebeck Quartet, and Spyro Gyra are also among my melodic influences and Billie Joel is one of my favorite lyricists of all time as well.
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What is your creative process writing and recording?
I Begin with the beat. Two questions come from that. First, how does this beat make me feel? What’s the mood? What’s the tone? That’s what I’m going to talk about. Something somber. Something happy. Something pure, once I have that I’m ready to go in. Secondly, what should rhymes over this sound like? What melody compliments this music. THIS IS MUSIC. Find that melody. Fit the words into that melody like putty into a crack. God does the majority of the work throughout this process.
There is the idea that the NYC scene is over, I see a bit of a resurgance going on right now, Time out New York even did a piece on all of the open mics and weekly showcases that are going on. What are your feelings on the scene, where it’s been, where it is and where it’s going?
That’s ridiculous. The scene is flourishing mightily. I come across emcees every day, from professionals like Tanya Morgan and Pack FM, to open mic up and comers like YC the Cynic and Top $ Raz, who are making phenomenal music and putting on phenomenal performances. We’re getting stronger every day. It’s going forward towards the creation of hip hop that will be looked at as music first and foremost.Who are some of the up and coming NYC artists that should be on people’s radar?
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YC the Cynic and Top $ Raz I mentioned earlier. J Monopoly and The OISD Crew. Kalae AllDay. Brown Bag All Stars. Fresh Daily. P.SO. Jersey cats but always in NYC 8TH W1 and Brokn Englsh, just to name a few.
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Hip hop seems to be taking a bit of a back seat to rock on a popular music level, much like metal and rock did when rap took over in the mid 90s. Obviously there will always be rap music around and being created, as an up and coming artist how do you think rap no longer being the cash cow for the music industry will affect the music, on a personal level and a macro level?
This ties into my last answer a bit. As more and more hip hop that is actually music becomes widely available people who love music will check for it. People who love music aren’t checking for this gimmicky nonmusical hip hop byproduct that’s being widely popularized. Why would they? It’s not music. People’s increasing immunity to garbage hip hop will affect the music because people will take note that the age of garbage is behind us, finally. Hip hop has finally matured to an art form where it’s artists say to themselves “oh he/she did that?! Well then I have to go even further and do this, or take another direction and do this,” rather than “oh he/she did that? Well then I have to do that too.”
I first learned of you when I would see colorful photocopies with these amazing stanzas written on them signed “Homeboy Sandman” posted all over the trains.  To me it seemed like it was a calling card to, for lack of a better term, real heads and MCs.  It wasn’t necessarily something the average Joe or casual fan would understand as far as the patterns and the cleverness of the lines. What was the thinking behind that and what kind of results did that campaign yield.
That’s exactly what that campaign was all about. I’ll get the masses later. Right now let me do something to let all the people that know what nice is know that I’m nice. The lines, the emcees I mentioned, was all geared towards people that really know this art recognizing that I really know it too, thus becoming interested in checking for me. The thinking behind the whole thing was “I’m nice, now all I need is for people to know it.” I’ve always been an outside the box thinker and a do it yourselfer. The results that campaign yielded were a citywide notoriety that allowed me to warp various levels in regards to my visibility, marketability, and my entire career. Companies pay millions of dollars for that type of promotion. Seriously.
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So what’s coming up for Homeboy Sandman? What is the ultimate goal?Â
My third album, The Good Sun is dropping in February. Look for that. Look for The Good Sun art campaign before that, it will be everywhere your eyes can see. If you thought that train idea popped off wait until you see this! My ultimate goal is to be the real life Wyld Stallyons (from Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure) and make the world a better place with my music. A much, much better place.
Finally, any shows or projects you want to promote?THE GOOD SUN RISES THIS FEBRUARY. OPEN YOUR EARS AND LET THE SUN SHINE IN. And come through Sputnik in BK on November 14th and watch me put in work with PseudoSlang and Loki Da Trixa. And if you’re not in NYC check out the website for road dates ’cause we be putting in road work sun.
I recently sat down with J57 of the New York City based rap group Brown Bag AllStars to discuss the group, their music, the NYC scene and their plans for the future.
Give us a brief introduction to each of the members of the group.
What’s up, I’m J57 (emcee/producer) from the Brown Bag AllStars, the group consists of The Audible Doctor (emcee/producer), Koncept (emcee), Soul Khan (emcee), DJ E Holla, Deejay Element, DJ Goo & myself. Most of us live in Brooklyn, E Holla lives in the Bronx & DJ Goo lived in BK for a few years but now lives back home in Arizona, but none of us are originally from Brooklyn. The Audible Doctor is originally from Wisconsin, Koncept grew up in Queens (then moved to Warwick, NY), Soul Khan is from California, Deejay Element is originally from Albany, NY & I’m originally from Long Island.
How did you guys come together?
Fat Beats. We all work at Fat Beats and became friends over the years. It all started because we used to chill there after-hours on Friday nights and get drunk while bullshitting about hip hop. It was often more than just the members of Brown Bag chilling it was friends and lady friends and most of them were emcees, DJ’s and producers. We never expected those chill sessions to turn into a serious hip hop group, but looking back now it makes sense when you see who’s in the group and how it all went down.
What is working at Fat Beats like? How has that experience effected you are artists and fans?
Working at Fat Beats keeps us up to date on what’s going on at all times in the hip hop scene. We get to use the Fat Beats customers as a daily focus group without even having to ask them any questions. They’ll walk in the store and look at what’s new and straight up tell us their opinion on the new albums. It doesn’t matter if we agree with everything they say, we still get the information from them and we notice what people are sick of in hip hop and what they’re really into at the moment.
Any good stories from working there?
Hell yeah, I’ve been fortunate enough to meet a few legendary artists and high up industry cats working here. Matter of fact, as I was answering the question prior to this one, Breeze Brewin of the Juggaknots walked in and chilled for a bit ha-ha. I gotta say the two craziest people I’ve met here would have to be DJ Kool Herc & Eminem. I met Herc years and years ago when I was just starting here with my homie Elann and I was beyond star struck because he’s one of the creators of hip hop. Eminem came by the store very recently with the Alchemist, Mr. Porter (shouts to them), Paul Rosenberg and a huge entourage of people from Shady Records. Who meets Eminem? I mean, really?? It was incredible just getting to bullshit with him for a half an hour. He really wanted my opinion on The Relapse and he was getting all amped up when I was telling him about all the Cold Chillin’ re-releases that have been dropping recently. The dude’s still a big hip hop head; he copped a Thirstin Howl III DVD, 3 Only Build 4 Cuban Linx 2′s, a Blueprint 3, a Beatnuts skully, a Fat Beats t-shirt and a few other things.
So did you tell him how you really feel about it?
Hell yeah, I told him I like the album only lyrically, which is true. I only like two beats. I immediately said, ”shit, was that too far?” ha-ha. He was acting like a new artist, sincerely saying “wow, really?? yo thanks, man!” I couldn’t believe how shocked he was that I thought he the album was lyrically great.
What is in the name Brown Bag? I’m sure NYer’s know but the rest of the country might not.
Being that we work at Fat Beats, we’d get on the guest list to any hip hop show, any time. So the entire summer of 2007, we would pre-game at Fat Beats for a few hours then go to whatever big show was going on that night. After a few months of doing that, I came up with the name Brown Bag AllStars as a joke name for the guest list of these shows we were always going to. The ”Brown Bag” part of the name came about because whenever we’d buy 40′s from the bodega around the block from Fat Beats, the owner would make sure he put a brown bag on every single 40 we purchased. Like I said, it was a pretty big crew of people that could drink a lot, so this guy was sitting there putting each individual 40 in a brown bag, most nights it was at least 30 bottles. We found it weird/funny, but the guy wouldn’t let us leave unless all the bottles had brown bags on them. So that’s how we got the name.
You guys do a lot of branding around the name, you have things like Brown Bag Season, brown bag Thursdays. Why did you guys start to take this approach, and how has it been working?
We took this approach because we realized branding is the key and if you want something done, you have to do it yourself. We’ve seen more shit and learned more than the average artist our age just from working at Fat Beats. We were steady doing 1 – 3 shows a week for a year straight but then realized we also need an online presence. Brown Bag Season is a marketing campaign that we developed to create an online buzz, outside of just doing shows around NYC, upstate, etc. We’ve released a free song or video clip a week from May 2009 to November 2009. At first, we were releasing 2 songs a week until early August. They were all songs that we started working on November 2008 and really finished up around that time. We took our time with the songs because we didn’t want to compromise the quality just to meet our deadlines.
As for Brown Bag Thursday’s, that is a bi-weekly hip hop show that we throw in NYC. We’ve had acts like Percee P, Poison Pen, Breez EvahFlowin, Natural Elements and these good chaps named Alaska & Kojo rock our stage as well as the cream of the crop of up-coming artists from around the Tri-State area.
It’s amazing to see that our marketing plans are really working and people are hitting us up every day trying to get in Brown Bag Thursday or to produce a track for Brown Bag Season. We’re really happy with the results.
Over the past few years people have been shitting on the NYC scene, me included. Then I stumbled upon you guys, homeboy sandman and others and was impressed with what the younger generation was doing. Tell the readers what has really been going on in the scene over the past few years and how you guys play into it.
We appreciate that! Honestly, the NYC scene sucked donkey balls for a few years. I think it was the over saturation of new rappers as well as the early decline of the music industry that got people depressed about “the state of the new artists.” People were coming into Fat Beats on a daily basis saying ”There’s nothing good out anymore” or “I can’t listen to any of these new rappers,” etc. I’m not really sure what it was that created this dramatic change in the quality of new NYC artists, maybe it was the fact that the younger cats like ourselves, were sick of the new breed? I’m not really sure, but let me say big shouts to Homeboy Sandman for being one of the greatest lyricists in NYC right now. That dude needs to be on the cover of The Source.
As a larger group I’m sure the creative process is a bit rougher than a solo artist or a duo. How does it work for you guys?
It actually works out pretty easy for us. We have meetings almost daily (whether through email or in person) and over time we realized that majority rule is the way to do it. If someone has an idea and 1 or 2 of us hates the idea but everyone else loves the idea, then we’re most likely going with that idea, etc. Also, as emcee’s we’re always asking each other for advice because we all want the best product possible. So, the group dynamic actually works in our advantage because our quality control is so strong. Our DJ’s actually come up with most of our live show ideas, so everyone contributes greatly to the group.
You just dropped the Brown Tape, what can the listeners expect?
Yes, sir, The Brown Tape is a project that we recorded in spring ’08 but it’s a very solid project. We recorded it very quickly just to have merch to sell at shows and to get people familiar with our music. Listeners can expect: bangin’ beats, clever lyrics, and a very quality mixing. Overall, it is a very, very solid product of semi-older material.
What can we expect to hear from you guys over the next year?
In 2010 you can expect the Brown Bag AllStars’ debut album, Koncept’s EP, The Audible Doctor’s EP, Soul Khan mixtape and by December be on the lookout for my (J57) debut instrumental album called Digital Society. And of course expect a slew of dope mixtapes by Deejay Element & E Holla!! Myspace.com/BrownBagAllStars & BrownBagAllStars.blogspot.com. THANK YOU, Alaska!
Brown Bag AllStars - Undeniable (Audible Doctor Remix)
As election season nears I have decided I can no long sit idly by and watch the major decisions that affect the things I love be made by someone else who is most likely inferior in every way to myself. Thus I have decided to throw my hat into the ring and run for the Attorney General of Rap. I feel I have the experience, the know-how, and the ability to take kick backs under the table that my opponent just lacks.Â
While I have been out of the public eye for a little over two years now, I have been able to use this time wisely, and from what I’ve gathered we need a complete overhaul of the system. Granted it is a monumental task, but I think I am up to it. Why, you may ask? Well because I am white and in my mid-thirties. If that doesn’t uniquely qualify me for a position of power in America I don’t know what does.Â
I have assembled a crack staff of crack heads, racists, homophobes, dullards and un-hirables the likes of which the world has never seen. We have spent many a sleepless night devouring the research and we have come up with the following 5 point plan. A plan that we feel will save rap music from itself, our plan is as follows.
1. Race – We have broken rappers across racial lines and decided that only certain members of each race make contribution of quality to the art. Going forward only artists that fit into the criteria will be allowed to make rap music. The criteria are as follows:
Blacks – as long as you are a natural born or naturalized US citizen from one of the approved regions you will be permitted to make rap.
Latinos – Only Puerto Ricans and Dominicans. Sorry Mexicans and others, if we allow you to rap eventually you make shit like Reggaeton and I will not have that under my watch.
Whites – Only the Irish and the Italians. Because these groups hate black people so much that the hate seems to have emboldened them to bring back a proud minstrel tradition that all white trash/jugaloos can be proud. Plus they are super fun to laugh at. Â
Asians – Only Filipinos because of they’re great contributions to the art of turntablism.
Any attempts to make music by those that fall out of the accepted ethnic zone will result in an immediate extradition to Queens.
2. Religion – No religions will be allowed to make rap music:
It’s science fact that religion has a long history of fucking up rap music and every group is responsible for it.  How so you ask? Well let’s take a look:
Muslims: after All for One nobody wanted to hear your mumbo-jumbo.
Christians: you guys fuck up whatever music you touch, look at metal and hardcore, plus you have country on lock.Â
Jews: You are responsible for MC Serch and Matisyahu, nuff said. Plus we have already let in the Italians and we don’t need two groups that try to pass themselves off as Puerto Ricans.
Buddhists, Atheists and other new agey types: Def Jux and Rhymesayers artists are established enough that they don’t need any local openers so you are done here. Â
Should any of you attempt to rap you will be forced to march in gay pride parades and for you new agey types you will be forced to each beef.
3. Regions/States – We have decided that only certain areas of the country have made acceptable contributions to the art and therefore they are the only ones allowed to continue to do so. These regions/states are as follows:
East Coast
New York (Tri-state only meaning New York City and parts of Jersey)
Pennsylvania (Philadelphia only)
Georgia (Atlanta only)
If you are not from one of these areas or have not lived there for more than 10 years you will not be allowed to make rap music, any attempts to do so will be punishable by a punch in the dick and a life public school teacher in the “bad†part of town.
4. Women – No women, sorry. Any attempt by a woman to rap will immediately be deemed unacceptable for reproduction or marriage.Â
5. Foreigners – If the events of 9/11 taught us anything it is this; WE MUST protect our borders at all costs. Luckily, due to the great work by the shadow government and raci….I mean minutemen we have not had another terrorist attack. However our ears have been assaulted with a barrage of sounds from north, south, east and west of the borders and as far as I’m concerned that is just unacceptable. If you elect me, on my first day in office I will enact laws that will keep our stores and airwaves free of this inferior and laughable product. Anyone caught listening to, selling, enjoying or inactively listening to rap that is not American made will be subject to re-education in a class room designed specifically for them, the retarded. Â
If we can institute my policies I think we can make the world of rap better. I hope that come Election Day I can count on your support and start to make rap a better and slightly less embarrassing place to be.
If there was a Nobel Prize for hatin we would win that shit!
Subway Platform Musicians
Â
Blockhead
I’ve heard the tall tales of musicians getting discovered while playing on subway platforms. We all have. MAYBE that shit has happened once in the history of the universe.  The same way some imaginary guy has been discovered while singing loudly to himself on the street (word to your man Tyrese).  Regardless of all these yet to be proven stories, subway musicians, by and large, are fucking annoying.  Whether it be some old guy on a trumpet fumbling his way through a rendition of “Summertime” or some hippie shitbag playing an acoustic guitar, it’s rarely anything anyone wants’ too hear. Occasionally, you may luck out and come across one of those bizarre one man band motherfuckers who plays an organ, while drumming with their feet and blowing on a harmonica, but even those guys are only mildly entertaining for a short period of time. The bottom line with subway platform musicians is that it’s a self involved act. it’s someone thinking the world needs to hear their music and going to a place that people HAVE to be and cannot leave.  It’s not like they’re up in the coffee house or a small music venue.  They’re just chilling in public, playing their hearts out, while people go to work and, in most cases, want to be left completely alone.  So fuck those guys.  Not to mention when your greatest success story is kids playing buckets in a levis jeans commercial it may be time to look into plan b.
Williamsburg
Alaska
As a rule I hate revivalists. Whether it is waiters from Johnny Rockets dressing like waiters from the 50′s or Little Brother making music that sounds like ATCQ ate a gang of retard sandwiches. But the most annoying revivalists are those that like to dress up like colonists, and colonial Williamsburg is ground zero for these dicks. I don’t get the appeal of this shit. If I wanted to see an overzealous teacher or a failed actor I would just sign up for acting class at the local community college. I don’t need some dick that doesn’t break character give me some shtick about not knowing what a toilet is when I ask him where to find the shitter. Dude you are wearing a Swatch and drove here in a fucking 1997 Hyundai Excel, how about giving the shitty accent a break and tell me where I can drop this deuce off. Wait did you mean the place in Brooklyn with all the J.O’s with stupid facial hair and Ting Ting shirts?Â
people who are really into cupcakes
Blockhead
I could never hate on cupcakes. Who could they are fucking delicious, but what I can hate on is this weird cupcake hysteria that has emerged over the last decade or so. I may be off in this but I will lay 100% of that blame the TV show “Sex in The City”.  I guess in one episode they went to this cupcake bakery in NYC called “Magnolia” and all of sudden every person in a skirt needs a mouth full of buttermilk icing.  Now, I’ve been to this cupcake establishment and sure, it’s “cute”, but you know what? The cupcakes are completely and utterly mediocre.  It speaks in volumes about how far a store’s image can take you.  But I digress. 2 months ago I was at a wedding in Martha’s vineyard with a bunch of couples.  While walking around town we happened upon a cupcake shop.  It was a dainty little room set up with all sorts of cute frilly bullshit girls love and most importantly, a shit ton of cupcakes.  Needless to say, the half of the group that owned vaginas lost their minds. They spent like 20 minutes inside while all the guys stood outside rolling our eyes in unison.  Fast forward to this weekend and I hear my girlfriend talking extensively with a few other girls about this very cupcake shop, and all of them completely engrossed and excited about it.  Seriously, it’s just a fucking cupcake.  Eat that shit and K.I.M.
people who don’t own TV’s
Alaska You know what? I am a pretentious dick, I can own up to that. I think if you have read one of these hate fueled rants you would concur. I mock people who like shit like CBS sit-coms, Coldplay and the book The Secret. Even so, I am nowhere near as pretentious as people who don’t own televisions. They are the same people who wear scarves in t-shirt weather and carry around beat up leather satchels because Robin Williams did it in Dead Poet’s Society. They will always inform you in such a dickish tone. “Oh I don’t own a TV; we find ways to entertain ourselves”. How by staring at your husband’s stretched out and stained Beatles T-shirt? Or maybe by making macaroni pictures with your snob of a daughter Amelie. The key thing to remember is that you are an asshole. You are not interesting and nobody gives a fuck about the Russian author you are reading. Not having a TV only makes you a superior dick but not superior.Â
Scrabble
Every week Alaska and I do this and we email each other a list of things to hate on.  Sometimes he sends me shit I either can’t hate on or things I straight up love. This is one of those occasions. I fucking love scrabble.  Always have.  On top of that, I’m really fucking good at it. I spend an obscene amount of time online destroying my friends on facebook or playing over at wordbiz.jar with people so good I constantly think they’re cheating.  The irony of my love for scrabble is that I never read anything and pretty much have the vocabulary of a toddler. Still, I’ve picked up a knack for memorizing useless 2 and 3 letter words (all of which I have no clue what they mean). So hating on scrabble, for me, is a hard one. That said, I suppose I could try – First off, I hate shitty tile distribution.  U’s, i’s, c’s and v’s are all letters I’ve never given a second thought to but in scrabble land they’re all vicious cocksuckers. Secondly, scrabble takes over your brain. If I’ve played too much in one day I start seeing imaginary word combinations and begin conjuring up all sorts of 4 word combos  when I shut my eyes to sleep.  A similar thing used to happen when I’d play too much Tetris. I’ve definitely lost sleep over scrabble and that, is pretty fucking unacceptable. Thirdly, I hate losing at something I’m really good at. I can handle getting beaten in a basketball game because, on a larger scale, I’m not that good.  At the same time, I very rarely lose to people I’m a lot better then.  But with scrabble, no matter how good you are, you will lose on occasion.  I rarely lose to friends but when I do they enjoy it way too much,  which eats away at my soul.
Other than those three things scrabble is the greatest game ever invented. Â All you chess playing motherfuckers can eat a dick.
Blockhead
homeless people Alaska
I know I should feel sympathy for these poor bastards, but you know what? I don’t. Sure that probably makes me the dick, and I’m more than willing to own that.  Look, I know times are tough in America and its getting harder and harder to get by, but when even the biggest wastes I knew in high school can make due with a job at McD’s or some equally soul crushing establishment then you too can get by. Sure it might be a shitty existence but if I learned anything from the dicks in colonial Williamsburg it is that even at our worst we have it pretty sweet since there is no Injuns trying to sell our kids into white slavery and small pox is a thing of the past. If you are so fucked up that you have alienated everyone in your life because of unchecked mental illness or drug abuse why should I give a fuck about you. Plus you all smell like a mix of urine and Hindus.
I recently sat down with my old friend Blueprint to discuss his upcoming projects, his career, and the state of hip hop.Â
So Print you have been out of the spotlight for a little while now, what have you been up to?
A few years back I started to feel like I was pigeon-holing myself as an artist who’s known for recreating older hip-hop and I felt that if I continued on that path that I may never get to do anything different or anything that reflects the music I actually can and want to make. It’s almost like realizing you were being too safe. So I had to take a step back from some of the things that were distracting me from my music; like touring as much as I was, promoting shows, or even being out so much locally. It wasn’t really doing anything but working against my progression as an artist. In a lot of ways I had become really used to doing records and writing songs a certain kind of way. So I kind of abandoned that, but as an artist when you decide to change directions a little bit it takes time to master your new style, so I’ve been trying to master my new style.
My Five Point Plan to Save Rap Music
Friday, October 16th, 2009As election season nears I have decided I can no long sit idly by and watch the major decisions that affect the things I love be made by someone else who is most likely inferior in every way to myself. Thus I have decided to throw my hat into the ring and run for the Attorney General of Rap. I feel I have the experience, the know-how, and the ability to take kick backs under the table that my opponent just lacks.Â
While I have been out of the public eye for a little over two years now, I have been able to use this time wisely, and from what I’ve gathered we need a complete overhaul of the system. Granted it is a monumental task, but I think I am up to it. Why, you may ask? Well because I am white and in my mid-thirties. If that doesn’t uniquely qualify me for a position of power in America I don’t know what does.Â
I have assembled a crack staff of crack heads, racists, homophobes, dullards and un-hirables the likes of which the world has never seen. We have spent many a sleepless night devouring the research and we have come up with the following 5 point plan. A plan that we feel will save rap music from itself, our plan is as follows.
1. Race – We have broken rappers across racial lines and decided that only certain members of each race make contribution of quality to the art. Going forward only artists that fit into the criteria will be allowed to make rap music. The criteria are as follows:
Any attempts to make music by those that fall out of the accepted ethnic zone will result in an immediate extradition to Queens.
2. Religion – No religions will be allowed to make rap music:
It’s science fact that religion has a long history of fucking up rap music and every group is responsible for it.  How so you ask? Well let’s take a look:
Should any of you attempt to rap you will be forced to march in gay pride parades and for you new agey types you will be forced to each beef.
3. Regions/States – We have decided that only certain areas of the country have made acceptable contributions to the art and therefore they are the only ones allowed to continue to do so. These regions/states are as follows:
New York (Tri-state only meaning New York City and parts of Jersey)
Pennsylvania (Philadelphia only)
Georgia (Atlanta only)
Illinois (Chicago only)
Minnesota (Minneapolis only)
Texas (Houston only)
California (Los Angeles and Oakland only)
If you are not from one of these areas or have not lived there for more than 10 years you will not be allowed to make rap music, any attempts to do so will be punishable by a punch in the dick and a life public school teacher in the “bad†part of town.
4. Women – No women, sorry. Any attempt by a woman to rap will immediately be deemed unacceptable for reproduction or marriage.Â
5. Foreigners – If the events of 9/11 taught us anything it is this; WE MUST protect our borders at all costs. Luckily, due to the great work by the shadow government and raci….I mean minutemen we have not had another terrorist attack. However our ears have been assaulted with a barrage of sounds from north, south, east and west of the borders and as far as I’m concerned that is just unacceptable. If you elect me, on my first day in office I will enact laws that will keep our stores and airwaves free of this inferior and laughable product. Anyone caught listening to, selling, enjoying or inactively listening to rap that is not American made will be subject to re-education in a class room designed specifically for them, the retarded. Â
If we can institute my policies I think we can make the world of rap better. I hope that come Election Day I can count on your support and start to make rap a better and slightly less embarrassing place to be.
Tags: Alaska, Comedy, commentary, Def Jux, hip hop, indie hip hop, Philaflava, politics, rap, Rhymesayers, rse, satire, Steady Bloggin'
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