Steady Hatin’ with Alaska (Featuring Blockhead)

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We live in a world where positively seems to be the call of the day, whether it is the best selling pseudo-positivity of The Secret or medicated haze of positivity created by big pharma, one thing is for sure, Americans are really scared to let the hate fly. Personally I love the negativity. Most times it is well deserved. Faux positivity is responsible for things like Paris Hilton, Puff Daddy, all the programming on CBS and Canada. The world is anything but a beautiful positive place, just pretending shit is sweet does nothing but make it worse. There was a day and age when people had shame, when Americans were held to a higher standard and when “they hatin” was what ugly girls said about cheerleaders to make themselves feel better about smelling like McRib sandwiches. Now its the calling card of the douche and we accept it, because we need to be positive. Fuck that. Its time to let the hate out and thats just what I plan to do.

I hit up my friend and PF mainstay Blockhead to run a few things by him and let the hate shine down.

blockhead

 

Alaska: So Block here is my vision, I am going to give you a series of topics and you will need to let me know what it is that you hate about them.

Block: that sounds perfectly up my alley.

Alaska: The View.

Block: Hating the view is too easy. It’s annoying bitches talking. sure, it’s supposed to show the different types of women and celebrate all things womanly but it tends to work in reverse and ends up being a celebration of three old crows yelling at one , much prettier and much dumber right wing retarded person. The one thing that pops into my head when i think of “the view” is whenever they have an actor on, there’s a palpable uncomfortable vibe in the room from all the strangely flirtatious banter they throw at uhim. It doesn’t matter if it’s brad pitt or tom green. You get the feeling joy bahar is gonna start unzipping flies at any moment. Not a good look.

Alaska: The Lower East Side.

Block: Much like the rest of NYC , my beef with the lower east side lies much more in the people that inhabit it than the actual place. There was a time when the lower east side was a cutting edge area where only people in the know and/or willing to slum it a little bit would go to hang out. then, much like williamsburg, students and out of towners got wind that it’s was a moderately safe place to live with decent rent. Flash to 20 years later and it’s a sea of vertical striped shirt wearing dickbags stumbling down the street on a friday night cutting loose cause the stock market kicked their ass all week. The one thing LES had going for it, even just 7 years ago, was that kind of element stayed away from it. the frat boy types stuck to midtown or the college bars on 3rd avenue. I guess more bars opened up, the long island/jersey/queens/brooklyn contingent drifted further downtown and that’s where we are now.  With that said, it’s still maintains some sort of diversity and occasionally some dumb girl will mouth off to the wrong kid from the projects and get knocked out. at this point, it’s all we can really ask for.

Alaska: Record Nerds.

Block: The thing i hate most about record nerds is that i often get mistaken for one. I know people assume anyone who makes beats is some crate digging uber geek with a crazy music collection but this just isn’t true. I NEVER listen to my records. anything i like is on my i-tunes. on top of that, 99% of the records i own are complete crap. with exception of a bunch of 90’s era indie rap vinyl, it’s all dollar bin records i sampled and threw in a pile never to be revisited again.

The thing about record nerds is that they tend to live by this “holier then thou” existence. they’re the type who won’t dub an rare album for someone cause..well…I don’t fucking know…they just won’t and it’s infuriating. what they need to understand is that they’re just collectors. what they deem to be a special momento from a lost time that should be cherished is , to a normal person, actually just a record. the best it can do is play music that people enjoy. it should be shared. especially when it’s out of print and the artist is in no way getting a penny from said “momento”. I got respect for people who have large collection of music they love. that’s fine. especially if you actually listen to the music you own, but if you just collect shit cause it’s “rare” regardless of how good the music is, you’re a fucking idiot.

Alaska: Kung Fu Flicks.

Block: For as long as I can remember, I’ve never given a shit about kung fu flicks. Obviously, for the majority of this time, I was only exposed to the most typical films of the genre.  So, a few years ago, I thought I should give it a chance. I have a friend who is a kung fu movie fiend. He owns like 200 dvd’s of rare and critically acclaimed jewels only found in dark alley ways in north korea. I told him to pick a few out and lend them to me. You know what? I still don’t give a shit about them. The thing about kung fu movies is that you know what you’re getting. It’s a lot like porn. They’re all slightly different but you basically know where it’s going as far as action and storyline. The difference being , I can jerk off to porn where as, with kung fu movies, it’s just a bunch of dudes jumping around on wires. It’s like a thugged out “De La Guarda”.

Alaska: Aging Rappers.

Block: NOTHING is sadder than an aging rappers. 38 year old , withered , grown men in fitted baseball hats ,dressing the same way as their children, trying to recapture a flame lost over a decade ago. The worst is when they try and keep up with the times by emulating the styles of todays popular rappers. Rappers they themselves are partially responsible for influencing in some distant way. Hearing Kool G Rap  or Big Daddy Kane try and sound relevant in today’s market breaks my heart. These are guys who set trends in the golden era of hip hop but now are reduced to doing cameos on songs with rappers who don’t deserve a guest spot from asher roth. It’s disgusting. basically, motherfuckers need to know when to hang it up. I know , with the existence of europe, it’s real easy to just go there and tour forever but nothing fucks up a legacy like over staying your welcome.

Alaska: Rage Against The Machine.

Block: In the 90’s there was this big rush to mix rap with other genres. jazz, rock, jam band…all of it. It rarely worked and made for some of the most offensive music ever made. At the forefront of this shitty idea (no disrespect to run dmc who really opened the doors to this crap) were rage against the machine. Shitty riffs with shitty social commentary said by a shitty rapper who sounded like a dying rooster.

I remember, when RATM was popular, meeting people who were obviously not into hip hop. They would find out I was into it and immediately try and connect on some “yo, you must love RATM!”. That’s kinda like if I were to say to a guy “yo, you love getting blow jobs? you must love eating a man’s ass!”.

Alaska: Science Fiction.

Block: Now, I don’t dislike all scifi. Some of it is pretty awesome, but the obsession with it beyond “oh, that’s kinda cool” is fucking retarded. Even worse are the people who take it seriously. The fact that people worship “Star wars” and “Star trek” like they do is just obscene. I know people like to escape reality every now and then but to truly submerge yourself in that kind of silly bullshit is just sad. Take it for what it is: some creative shit made for your entertainment. People get out of hand with that shit. I mean, fucking scientology is based on some scifi crap. It’s insane. To me, scifi is the anti-sports. Everything sports stand for, scifi is the exact opposite. I also notice that people who love scifi rarely like sports (or play them for that matter).

Thanks for the enlightenment Blockhead and thanks to you the reader for embracing the hate and making the world a better place one hateful diatribe at a time.  See you next week.

Alaska

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