Steady Hatin with Alaska & Blockhead – The Best Actor Edition

Share Button

Steady Hatin – The Best Actor Edition

If there was an Oscar for Hatin we would be Meryl fuckin Streep

Brad Pitt

brad_pitt-oprah-mustache

Alaska
At this point Brad Pitt can fuck off.  Like you I loved him in movies like 12 Monkeys, Fight Club and Seven, shit I even loved him in that Jesse James movie he was in, but on the real fuck him.  I don’t ever need to see another Brad Pitt movie again.  I don’t want to see his stupid squinty crying face he makes right before he turns away from the camera twice move, I don’t want to see his dumb ass facial hair and I don’t need to see him half assedly explaining himself and his causes on talk shows.  Dude is dumb as shit.  I get it you bagged some prime stank in your day, and kudos for that but you and your alien face wife need fuck off and stop stealing kids from Africa.

Emile Hirsh

Emile Hirsch

Block:
I think it’s safe to say that most people have one (if not more) actors they just straight up hate for no good reason. For me Emile Hirsch is that motherfucker. Ever since I first saw him in The Girl Next Door I got a distinct vibe of “FUCK THAT GUY” from him. There was no single thing that gave it to me, yet it was leaping off the screen. That said, I do think I have some decent reasons to hate on him.  One, his stupid fucking face, two his subtle over acting, and three his need to play characters who are tough despite him being no larger than ALF. All that combined with the typical actor-y vibe he puts out makes him a person I would take great joy in giving a strong back handed smack to. You know, the kind gentlemen used to give to dames who spoke out of turn in ye’ olden times. That’s what Hirsh deserves. A womanly smack to the grill.*

Samuel L. Jackson

samuelljackson

Alaska
Samuel Jackson is good for three things, being in Quentin Tarrantino movies, being in Spike Lee movies and wearing hilarious wigs on the big screen.  Other than that he sucks.  Let’s check the record.  Has he ever turned in a good performance outside of his work with the two fore-mentioned directors?  No.  Does he wear a Kangol backwards all the time? Yes.  Is he a little TOO into golf? Yes.  Does he still wear the leather jacket that only the Russian mob wears? Yes.  Ok let me tally up the score, just as I though.  He is a dick.  Even LL let up on the fucking Kangols and he is the biggest asshole on the planet.

Jason Statham

2006_02_JasonStatham_MensHealthCove

Block
To me, Statham has always been and will always be a second rate British version of Bruce Willis.  Anytime a British actor seemingly pops up out of nowhere in American films I’m a little suspect. Granted Statham came up doing British films that happen to get love in the states, but whatever. I don’t trust that shit. Sure, he’s a respectable leading man for a movie that consists of car crashes and slow motion barrel rolls but let’s be honest, any half wit with a steely glare and affordable health insurance can pull that shit off.

I have a friend who is a huge Statham fan. He goes to every shitty movie this guy puts out. My long standing joke with him has been that Statham is box office poison. Of course not that all his movies suck but they all bomb, but time and time again my friend always reminds me that there are 3 fucking The Transporter movies. THREE!!! That’s crazy, and on top of that they all get shown in theaters. Not even on some American Pie Part 5: New Recruits straight to DVD type shit. People actually go see his movies. Whatever, Fuck that guy. As far as I’m concerned he always has and always will be box office poison. Regardless how completely incorrect I may be.

Daniel Day Lewis

daniel-day-lewis-best-actor

Alaska
I fucking hate Daniel Day Lewis.  He is the most overrated actor of our time.  Getting retarded up to win an Oscar for My Left Foot does not make you a great actor, nor does imitating Robert Deniro in Gangs of New York, or doing a bad Sean Connery playing American imitation in the shit-fest There Will Be Blood.  It is science fact that a movie with Daniel Day Lewis is a fucking shit infested, snooze inducing, critic masturbating to, Icethinkle loving, 3 hour waste of time.  Have you ever seen this prick at the Oscars?  He makes Johnny Depp’s wardrobe choices acceptable.  He is one of those pricks who dress like banker from the 1930’s.  I hate those fucking people.  Know who I hate more than that and Daniel Day Lewis combined?  His fucking fans. 

Mickey Rourke

0204_mickey_rourke2

Block
Mickey Rourke has made a handful of great movies. There’s no denying the guy has talent, which is evident by his amazing comeback. Shit, he was probably losing roles to Eric Roberts five or so years ago and all of a sudden he’s an Oscar nominee. My beef with Mickey Rourke isn’t his acting. It’s that he couldn’t just be the tiniest bit humble about his comeback. It’s as if the moment The Wrestler got props, Rourke was seen everywhere walking around dressed like the Pirates of Penzance, acting like he hadn’t been holed up in a hotel room for ten years snorting meth through his deformed nose and taking any role people gave him. He’s the rare exception of a person who Hollywood violently shat out but was able to find his way back to respectability, and instead of being humble and excepting that insanely rare gift, he’s acting like his shit doesn’t stink. Well, you know what? I’m willing to bet Mickey Rourke’s shit smells pretty fucking terrible.

I will say this, while he’s a complete scum bag and I do enjoy watching all the uppity Hollywood people deal with him and his insanity. He’s like a redneck that wins the lottery and then joins a fancy country club. Sure he may shit on the golf course but there’s nothing anyone can really do and I can respect that.

*As of 1997 steadyhatin does not approve of violence against women

Leave a Reply