Laxatives, Heartbreak and Rhinestones

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Did he feel it in his soul or was it on the glorious precipice of turtleheading? The double whammy to purveyors of the Confederate flag and baby boomers who still smoke pot with their wine coolers aside, this is literally some crazy, historical, shit. Elvis, the man who made more white girls wet than the rain, died because he couldn’t take a dump.

Via NYDN:

According to his autopsy, Nichopoulos said, Elvis’ colon was 5 to 6 inches in diameter, nearly twice the size of the average person. It was also 8 to 9 feet long, compared with the normal 4 to 5 feet.

“We didn’t realize until the autopsy that his constipation was as bad,” he said, noting that when he died there was waste in his colon that was several months old.

“We found stool in his colon which had been there for four or five months because of the poor motility of the bowel,” Nichopoulos said.

So yeah, James Brown, you win, bro. Pull up a solid stool and read the lowdown on Elvis’ chronic constipation.

Peace,
Employee

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