New top 5 lists
TOP 5 WORST PEOPLE EVER
5. The guy that works at the sneaker boutique – this is the same guy that used to work at the record store like fat beats when people actually bought music and would scoff at you because you didn’t have a Rawkus record bag. You are sweating a sneaker I used to wear in sixth grade and you paid $250 for them…dick
4. The boyfriends of the goth/limp biscuity/maybe rap fan/but really into my chemical romance high school girls who work at the dunkin donuts by my parent’s house – So last time I went to visit my parents, I think it was mother’s day/my grandmother’s 91st birthday I went to go get some wine to drink with ma dukes. Next door to the wine store there is a dunkin donuts/baskin robbins, I decided to get myself a refreshing iced coffee and I came across these dicks. The girls as weird and small towny as they are, were pretty sweet and nice but you can tell that they are either children of divorce or poor parenting. Since they don’t have a good model for relationships they find themselves in relationships with redneck dudes that dress like white kids who were into hip hop in 94 used to dress, probably because they can still find a pair of jnco jeans at TJ Maxx. Anyway dirty, stupid, red neck hicks, who are still hella into smoking blunts and wearing dirty timbs suck at life.
3. People who go to college to study poetry – I was gonna dedicate this slot to spoken word poets but lets face it they are already in the shitty people hall of fame. People who study poetry in college have been flying under the radar for way to long. These are the types of people that now that they are ten years removed from college dress like Johnny depp and have stupid mustaches. They also date a really hot bartender who never gives buy backs, which leads us two our next entry:
2. Really hot bartenders who never give buy backs – I dealt with one of these girls on New Year’s Eve a few years back. At the time Rothko was the trendy spot to see bands play and my good friend Bob Sonic was playing. I had been tipping the bartender quite well all night. I think beers were like $7 and I would just give her the $3 tip with each drink. The holidays make me generous. One time I bought a drink and had the exact change and didn’t tip her, and she gave me attitude and some guff about not tipping her. I informed her that I had been giving her big tips all night. She said, well don’t come to me for another drink. I then informed her she was a cunt and walked away. Next thing I know I’m arguing with a bouncer and this bartender. When the bartender walked away the bouncer agreed she was a cunt……this was the same night I let myself into the girl that just broke up with me’s apartment, but that’s another story.
1. Democrats – They are about to blow another lay-up election (really there is no way Bush should have won either election but since Democrats pretty much suck at everything thing they blew it) because they are pompous arrogant self important dicks that think they are smarter than everyone. I hope they all burn in hell.
TOP 5 THINGS THAT PEOPLE THINK ARE GREAT BUT REALLY SUCK
5. NYC street food – the pretzels are cold and wet, the hot dogs suck, and the halah carts are fucking disgusting. The only think worthwhile are the pizza trucks and Italian sausages (no homo)
4. David Sedaris – So many people recommended him to me and I realized that they were all women or men agreeing with their girlfriends/wife. Never listen to any of them about anything, in fact men who agree about shit when their old lady is around might have to take the top spot from democrats. Ive had friends tell me they really enjoyed 'The Notebook' because their wife was there.
3. Fireworks and parades – they are for fucking retarded people, racists and drunks
2. Anything from your childhood that you hold sacred – you know how you look at all the stupid shit that kids are into now and you think they are fucking idiots and don’t know shit about shit? Well apply that to Star Wars, Transformers, Rap, Kabangers, Rubix Cube, etc. we really are a worthless generation
1. Blade Runner – The first time I saw this I feel asleep in the theater. The second time I saw it I stopped watching it. The third time I saw it, it still sucked. Rutger Hauer was much better in The Hitcher. It’s a boring, shitty, sci-fi movie. If you like this I bet you believe in conspiracy theories and aliens.
5. The guy that works at the sneaker boutique – this is the same guy that used to work at the record store like fat beats when people actually bought music and would scoff at you because you didn’t have a Rawkus record bag. You are sweating a sneaker I used to wear in sixth grade and you paid $250 for them…dick
4. The boyfriends of the goth/limp biscuity/maybe rap fan/but really into my chemical romance high school girls who work at the dunkin donuts by my parent’s house – So last time I went to visit my parents, I think it was mother’s day/my grandmother’s 91st birthday I went to go get some wine to drink with ma dukes. Next door to the wine store there is a dunkin donuts/baskin robbins, I decided to get myself a refreshing iced coffee and I came across these dicks. The girls as weird and small towny as they are, were pretty sweet and nice but you can tell that they are either children of divorce or poor parenting. Since they don’t have a good model for relationships they find themselves in relationships with redneck dudes that dress like white kids who were into hip hop in 94 used to dress, probably because they can still find a pair of jnco jeans at TJ Maxx. Anyway dirty, stupid, red neck hicks, who are still hella into smoking blunts and wearing dirty timbs suck at life.
3. People who go to college to study poetry – I was gonna dedicate this slot to spoken word poets but lets face it they are already in the shitty people hall of fame. People who study poetry in college have been flying under the radar for way to long. These are the types of people that now that they are ten years removed from college dress like Johnny depp and have stupid mustaches. They also date a really hot bartender who never gives buy backs, which leads us two our next entry:
2. Really hot bartenders who never give buy backs – I dealt with one of these girls on New Year’s Eve a few years back. At the time Rothko was the trendy spot to see bands play and my good friend Bob Sonic was playing. I had been tipping the bartender quite well all night. I think beers were like $7 and I would just give her the $3 tip with each drink. The holidays make me generous. One time I bought a drink and had the exact change and didn’t tip her, and she gave me attitude and some guff about not tipping her. I informed her that I had been giving her big tips all night. She said, well don’t come to me for another drink. I then informed her she was a cunt and walked away. Next thing I know I’m arguing with a bouncer and this bartender. When the bartender walked away the bouncer agreed she was a cunt……this was the same night I let myself into the girl that just broke up with me’s apartment, but that’s another story.
1. Democrats – They are about to blow another lay-up election (really there is no way Bush should have won either election but since Democrats pretty much suck at everything thing they blew it) because they are pompous arrogant self important dicks that think they are smarter than everyone. I hope they all burn in hell.
TOP 5 THINGS THAT PEOPLE THINK ARE GREAT BUT REALLY SUCK
5. NYC street food – the pretzels are cold and wet, the hot dogs suck, and the halah carts are fucking disgusting. The only think worthwhile are the pizza trucks and Italian sausages (no homo)
4. David Sedaris – So many people recommended him to me and I realized that they were all women or men agreeing with their girlfriends/wife. Never listen to any of them about anything, in fact men who agree about shit when their old lady is around might have to take the top spot from democrats. Ive had friends tell me they really enjoyed 'The Notebook' because their wife was there.
3. Fireworks and parades – they are for fucking retarded people, racists and drunks
2. Anything from your childhood that you hold sacred – you know how you look at all the stupid shit that kids are into now and you think they are fucking idiots and don’t know shit about shit? Well apply that to Star Wars, Transformers, Rap, Kabangers, Rubix Cube, etc. we really are a worthless generation
1. Blade Runner – The first time I saw this I feel asleep in the theater. The second time I saw it I stopped watching it. The third time I saw it, it still sucked. Rutger Hauer was much better in The Hitcher. It’s a boring, shitty, sci-fi movie. If you like this I bet you believe in conspiracy theories and aliens.
posted by Alaska aka Timillionaire at
11:12 AM
4 Comments:
you´re an awesome blogger!
I agree with everything you said by the way, except I kinda like blunts and fireworks.
more lists please.
TAKE BACK WHAT YOU SAID ABOUT KERBANGERS!!!!!
great blog. more please.
I liked the bartender story, I can relate on all fronts. Even the let yourself in to the recent ex's apartment story. I have a similar one in which I scaled a 3 storey building.
Keep up the top 5s.. good shit.
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